


[accidental] [specifically god tier] speedrun

by 600ml



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Gen, Homestuck AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 13:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13525449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/600ml/pseuds/600ml
Summary: The Achievement Hunters play a new game and Gavin gets lost in record time.





	[accidental] [specifically god tier] speedrun

\-- britishShenanagians [ES] began pestering rabidCanine [RC] at 13:40 --

BS: Michael you've got to come check this out!    
BS: By this I mean my land!   
BS: It's full of all these huge windmills that don't move and it's really creepy and quiet. None of these little dudes even talk.   
BS: What did Ryan call them? Consorts. I'm not even sure they walk, they don't make any noise when they do. It's like they float from one place to another.    
RC: sounds like a great place to hang out. i cant wait.   
RC: im planning my next vacation there as we speak.   
BS: Don't be such a downer. I think it's kind of cool.   
BS: I really wish these guys would talk to me, though. I may be a bit lost.   
RC: how can you get lost, our houses stick out like sour fucking thumbs.   
BS: Well, you see.   
BS: I may not be able to see my house anymore for it to stick out.   
RC: im pretty sure its still sticking out even if youre not there.   
RC: so what youre really saying is you want me to hurry up and get to my mysterious fucking gate so i can find your sorry ass somewhere on your creepy land.   
BS: Maybe.   
BS: It would be really helpful, since I might not find my way back and no one seems to care to give me directions.   
RC: oh sure! id love to do it.   
RC: its not like im doing anything more important right now, like killing big fucking dudes that are trying to end my literal life. my real life. my actual physical life.   
BS: Like you're not all excited about it to get the grist to alchemize a bunch of stuff!   
RC: i didnt say it was all negatives.   
RC: i dont even know how you managed to fuck up so quickly you were the first one in the game how have you not gotten past the first gate   
BS: I thought it'd be nice to take it slow and explore before I worried about that. It's not like we've got a time limit or anything.   
RC: hmm. sure.   
RC: yea, ill try to get over there pretty fast.   
RC: cant guarentee much though, jeremy barely built anything on my house before he left to enter the game.   
BS: Okay! I'll see you in a bit, Michael!

\-- britishShenanagians [ES]  ceased pestering rabidCanine [RC] at 13:50 --

Michael hadn't planned on rushing to save Gavin anyway; he figured that given enough time, Gavin would find his way back home. He didn't get the impression that these planets were all that large. Certainly not the size of Earth. Maybe the size of Pluto? Granted he had no idea what the size of Pluto was. He just knew it wasn't big as Earth.

He'd gotten sidetracked for a while, though. There was a whole thing where Jeremy took forever to get back to his computer and it seemed like there was just an absurd amount of enemies at this area. He felt like he'd barely been able to relax and enjoy all this sweet grist he was collecting.

It was probably beneficial, though, dealing with a big wave now to get enough grist to build up to the first gate. Which Jeremy did, thankfully, and then some, and Michael made his way to it with ease. Well, relative ease. He did take some extra time to knock out some of the fucking imps that were making a mess of his house like they goddamn owned the place. What kind of bullshit was that, anyway! How does that! Those were personal items! He deserved not to have his shit wrecked.

On the other side of the gate was a planet that was both beautiful and unsettling. Gavin was right about the silence - Michael felt like every noise he made rang out for everyone on the planet to here. He wasn't kidding about the windmills either; they were giant and not moving an inch. It's not like it seemed to matter. He couldn't see anything that looked like it might need to be powered.

\--  rabidCanine [RC] began pestering  britishShenanagians [BS] at 15:32 --

RC: hey im here   
RC: sorry it took so goddamn long   
RC: did you get unlost?   
RC: well i guess if youre not gonna fucking answer that means you can't be in too much of a worry about your current situation   
RC: let me know when you're done doing whatever important shit you're doing.

\-- rabidCanine [RC] ceased pestering britishShenanagians [BS] at 15:49 --

Looking through the house again, Michael didn't see any sign that Gavin had found his way back home. He did find a lot of rude imps, which he made quick work of. He was such a great friend. These fuckers were not to be having their way with anybody else's personal belongings when he was around, especially not when it was his friends' stuff and especially especially not when it was his.

He followed the route he suspected Gavin took away from the house. There wasn't any evidence left behind; it just seemed like that was the way to go. The land had kind of a natural flow to it and seemed to direct you, like a road or a trail that wasn't actually there. It just felt right.

\-- notoriousCompanion [NC]  began trolling rabidCanine [RC]  at 15:53 -- 

NT: yes, keep going that uuay.   
RC: why are you talking to me   
RC: i thought i told you guys to fuck off   
NT: im only trying to help.   
NT: i knouu uuhere youuur friend is.   
RC: god i cant imagine how in pain the goddamn u button must be   
RC: if you want to help why dont you tell him to come the fuck back to his house, if you know where he is   
NT: i dont think it uuouuuld be a good idea to explain that right nouu   
NT: i think it uuouuuld be better if i juuust led youuu there.   
NT: and i treat the buuuttons on my keyboards uuell. i treat them as uuell as my quuuadrants.   
RC: see this is why i dont like you guys   
RC: you say shit like that and then act as if it makes any fucking sense   
NT: as if youuu havent taken fouuund fondness in youuur heart for ouuur knight   
RC: who the fuck is that   
NT: the girl uuith the jade text   
RC: oh yea i like her   
RC: but thats because shes cool and not like   
RC: kind of a pretentious douchebag?   
NT: oh fuuuck   
NT: im so sorry. i forgot to puuut my 'im a fuuucking idiot' shirt on today, uuhich youuu uuouuuld obviouuusly be able to see becauuuse thats houu fuuucking chat clients uuork, to uuarn youuu.   
NT: that i am in fact a fuuucking idiot and not a pretentiouuus douuuchebag.   
NT: youuu shouuuld tuuurn left here.   
NT: no not that left. the other left.   
RC: thats called a right.   
NT: yes i knouu i forget that this is all flipped and shit.    
RC: okay ill pretend i understand what that means to keep this conversation going.   
RC: why are you helping me anyway   
NT: is it that hard to believe? i thouuught id been helpfuuul in the past.   
RC: okay to be fair you havent been that bad but i wouldnt say youve been helpful.   
NT: uuell i may have.   
NT: done a bit of a fuuuckuuup of uuunrivaled proportions and told youuur friend some things that.   
NT: ended uuup being uurong.   
NT: in a uuay that uuas. kind of big. important.   
RC: whatd happened to him exactly   
RC: did you get him lost   
RC: break his heart?   
NT: i may have. led him to his death.   
RC: ...   
RC: excuse me   
NT: buuut i really didnt knouu thats uuhat uuouuuld happen! i thouuught hed be fine!   
NT: i didnt even think thered be anything to uuorry abouuut there   
NT: buuut dont get uuupset! i knouu houu to fix it. ill tell youuu uuhat to do uuhen youuu get to him.   
NT: tuuurn right uuup here.   
RC: how the fuck are you going to fix him being dead   
RC: thats not how the FUCK it works   
RC: jesus christ   
RC: why am i even listening to you this is fucking ridiculous   
NT: becauuuse i do knouu houu to fix it! i suuear!   
NT: youuu juuust have to take him to his quuuest bed and let the game do the rest   
NT: ill tell youuu uuhere the quuuest bed is. this is a game, yea? uuhy uuouuuldnt there be some uuay to respauun? its not as liberal as most games, suuure, buuut theres a feuu methods in place.   
NT: and hell even be immortal after that! so like, its kind of like im doing a good thing for youuu to begin uuith.   
RC: you are pulling this shit from so far up your ass   
RC: how do i even know youre telling the truth about him being dead?   
RC: much less everything else?   
NT: becauuuse hes inside this uuindmill.

Michael stopped and looked at the windmill beside him. The land around him was just as quiet as it'd been the whole time, but now it felt worse. It felt like it was bearing down on him, like a weight on his shoulders. He didn't even know how Gavin managed to get lost - there wasn't much straying off the unspoken path. Maybe this whole thing was some sort of ploy for something. He didn't know.

But now he had to know if it was true, so he opened the door to the inside of the windmill. There Gavin was, laid not much further in, several stabwounds to his chest.

RC: fuck!!!   
RC: FUCK!!!   
NT: uuhoever did it is long gone so youuu dont need to uuorry abouuut them.   
RC: FUCK!!!!!   
NT: youuu need to pick him uuup   
NT: the quuuest bed isnt far from here   
NT: it shouuuldnt be too hard   
RC: fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.   
NT: are youuu going to be okay   
RC: AS OKAY AS I CAN BE CARRYING MY MURDERED FRIEND ACROSS SOME MAGICALLY CREATED LANDSCAPE TO GET HIM ON SOME MYSTERIOUS FUCKING BED BECAUSE A SUPPOSED ALIEN IVE NEVER MET BUT CAN SOMEHOW SEE ME AND EVERYTHING I DO TOLD ME TO.   
NT: okay im going to take that to mean that youuu are not okay   
NT: buuut youuu uuill be okay later   
NT: becauuuse youuur friend uuill come back even better than ever   
NT: and i uuill not have destroyed his life   
NT: and youuu can continuuue youuur strange pale/caliginouuus vacillation   
NT: and everything uuill be fine

Michael carried Gavin's body sort of bridal style. He knew it would be a lot easier to just throw him over his shoulder, but he wasn't sure what this quest bed business entailed. He wanted to try to keep Gavin's body in take as he could. It felt kind of rude to just throw it around, anyway; that was one of his best friends.

Also, he didn't want any more blood on him than absolutely necessary.

He followed the directions NT was giving him, winding down trails that didn't feel at all as natural as the ones he had gone down when he first ventured out of Gavin's house. Eventually, he came to what seemed like an oversized blue pillar and started following the stairs up it. A part of him was scared that he'd fall down, but it wasn't like there was any alternatives, so he put that in the back of his mind.

When he got to the top, there was a blue slab with some sort of symbol on it that reminded him of toothpaste. He didn't know what material it was, but he didn't think it would be comfortable at all. Whoever decided that this was a bed had clearly never seen a bed before. Or had lived their life on incredibly shitty beds. He laid Gavin down on it as gently as he could.

RC: this is it right   
NT: yes.   
RC: what the hell    
RC: is he being carried off by birds.   
NT: this is a natuuural part of the process. 

Michael took NT's word for it and watched as birds from all over came and started surrounding Gavin's body. He hadn't even seen that many birds on the planet, at least not that he noticed, but they kept coming and coming and fuck, where they lifting him up? Yep, they were totally lifting him up. If he just brought his friend's body to be used for whatever freaky bird purposes there were he was going to be so pissed. Very, very pissed. Incriedbly pissed. So pissed that pissed wasn't even the word you should use, because it would be clearly out of that realm.

But then there was a shine of light and the birds went away and Michael had to look away, but he thought he saw Gavin standing there. Well, floating there. After a few moments, the light subsided, and Michael looked back. There was Gavin, in this stupid blue outfit with these stupid yellow boots, hovering a few inches above the ground in front of him.

"Hi, Michael!" Gavin said, cheerfully, like he hadn't just died and somehow come back to life.

"Hey, you dumb fuck."

**Author's Note:**

> god was this a pain in the ass to figure out how to format.  
> im not sure if i like how i portrayed andy but this was fun to write.


End file.
